callings

dear rodrigo,

ever since my experience with the quetz'l i have no been able to step back into the mainstream of my life.  i came here to find--  not answers, really--  my path.  i thought pasha was the real deal.  i thought once i was trained up in what i'm increasingly coming to see as a cult, everything would just fall into place for me.  i've always felt i had some sort of religious calling--  i just never had the religion to back it up.  sadly, i don't think i've found it here either.

so, after i tried to fit back in:  i worked in the kitchen, i had personal sessions with pasha, i went to some classes, i saw a doctor in town, i was in a room alone, i had a room mate, whatever, lots of stuff;  i have decided that i don't want to fit in.  i don't feel it here.  i'm not staying.

when i decided that, i wanted to just run home to you, but that's what it felt like running.

i want you.  i want to be with you.  now.

but, somehow, the jungle is calling.

it'll be harder to write.

love,
clementine