upon arrival

dear rodrigo,

i got here in one piece--  safe and sound, i guess.

but i'm not really all that sound, not at all.  i know it was my idea to come here, and i wanted to, and i wouldn't want you to be the kind of man that would stop me--  but, seriously, how could you let me do this?!

i couldn't sleep at all last night.  i wrote you a long letter about how desperately i need you, your body, your lips.  then i recanted:  only your arms around me, no, less even, only the sound of your breathing.  about four in the morning i gave up trying to sleep and read sections from pasha's book. How long will it take for me to learn to sleep again without you?

i got to meet pasha today, well, that might be overstating.  she greeted all of us in a very informal but at the same time quite impersonal way.  it was kind of disappointing, i mean, i came all this way.  but, really, what would i have said?  i was barely coherent.  damn you.  everything reminds me of you.

i don't know where to start describing this place.

and i'm not sure they won't read this before it goes out.

i have to go now.

love,
clementine