the atmosphere

dear rodrigo,

i think the sleeplessness is making me paranoid.

this morning i was looking out my window. the sun was just visible.  as i watched the fog creep up the side of the dormitory i was overwhelmed by the thought that it was really psychoactive gas.  i closed the window and started looking around for something to jam in the cracks before i snapped out of it enough to relax.

i don't think it's just me;  everyone seems a little on edge, everyone new, that is.  the people who aren't new--  i started to say the people who live here, but then i realized that i live here too now-- they all walk around the halls inclining their heads and speaking in catch phrases.  i guess that's not that different from the world at large (the speaking in catch phrases i mean hashtag blah blah), but if you could see this it would creep you out a little too.  i think.  unless it's all just the paranoia.

i think we all have separate rooms.  this is the kind of deal breaker that i didn't even really think about in my zeal to be here.  i would hate to be stuck with another person.  i need space.  not so much even physical space, but, ya know, space.  but it would be nice to be able to talk privately with someone.  to feel like there was someone to compare notes with at the end of the day.  i don't know.  then they might be a plant.

pasha says you have to make new for the now so we're all kind of in isolation.

my fantasies are getting a little more violent.

i thought we were going to start training right away.  but it doesn't look like it's going to work that way.

i'm thinking about that thing you do with the prestidigitation and it is really getting to me.  don't show that to any other girls while i'm gone, ok.  i understand it's going to be a while.  but that's my trick, ok?

i know we are all the same person, but for us that means something different that it means with other people, right?

love,
clementine